What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories. ~George Eliot
I got word the other night that My Grandma was in the hospital. She had fluid in her lungs and could only use 8%, and there were problems with her kidneys. She would need dialysis (for which she was refusing) and if stayed on the course she was on would be given about 2 weeks of life left. How can so many cold sounding facts make a heart drop so quickly? They sound so numb but they hold so much weight.
My grandma. She is all the wonderfulness that encompasses the word Grandma. Like music. Not just a song but a song accompanied by a symphony. The sweet, the playful, the big builds and soft controlled hush. That is her. Or at least that is her in my life.
My grandma. Granny Goose, Gram Cracker. The one who loves peaches from a can mixed with popcorn for desert, who would have strawberry ice cream with me (we both love strawberry ice cream). She shakes hands with every penny slot she meets. She smiles often. She is every ones biggest fan. Even if you cut her off in traffic she would let you know that you were #1 in her book hahaha. That is her.
The very fabric of my being is woven with threads of memories with her, long talks, lots of laughs, listening to stories of her life and her experiences, laughing at how my grandpa proposed, rides to school that went warp speed with a Hawaiian salute out the window, talking together about her living in the chicken coop, singing the jump on the bed song to all of us, rag curls in the girls hair, putting on shows in the basement that the adults would have to pay a nickel to get into. The house on 17th, all grandmas fight stories…what a tough little thing.
To hear about this sickness dropped a pile of lead into my heart. It’s easy to forget that grandparents are people to. And that people are strong in spirit but the body can be frail.
My grandma is a trooper and after speaking with her today, she sounds great, it put my heart at ease that she wasn’t in any pain and was laughing with me on the phone. I am proud of my grandma. I am blessed that I have her, that I have wonderful memories with her and my children have wonderful memories with her as well. My grandma has lived through many generations. She has seen a lot and experienced life. Not just survival…but life. I hope that by the time I am her age I will have as many wonderful stories and will have imparted so many wonderful things into my children and grandchildren as my grandma has with us.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Pastor Rant = Pants
OK so you know what bums me out? When people don’t go to church on Sundays. Not because of the I have to go check my church card, or cause of the tithe bucket even because it is the right thing to do and God says go…I am being purely selfish here… It bums me out, like really bums me out, when people don’t come to church because I miss seeing them.
I know, I know, that is not very “holy” of me but I told you I was being selfish. You see, I take calls during the week, I go out and meet with people, I offer all of myself in ministering, and Sunday service is when I am ministered to. When I am in worship with my friends it ministers to my heart. When God delivers a message to His hungry kids I am blessed. When I am in an environment that is hungry for the presence of God, not just the “i showed up and punched my card,” but hungry for His presence and tuning our ears to heaven because at any time we know He is going to part the skies and sing over us, like audibly sing! It ministers to me in a way that I can’t explain. I know I am supposed to be ministering to God here and I am. There is just something about connecting to God with my friends around me connecting to the same God that fills me up. That is precious to me. It encourages me that maybe I do have a place in this world and it is with these people. When my friends don’t go I feel shunned from them. It speaks the opposite to me. I don’t have a place in this world and definitely not here.
I know that people are out of town on vacation and stuff like that but when you don’t come because you would rather… fill in the blank. Fish, hike, camp, swim, sit at home and watch TV, stuff you could do ANY other time, whatever, It hurts my feelings. I take it personally. Aside from weekly meetings, counseling, praying for people and all of that I am searching the heart of the father on your behalf looking for a word for you, looking for a blessing for you, or an encouragement or exhortation. Something to inspire and bless your week and give you courage to go out and face what lies ahead. Not only am I doing that for you because I love you. You expect me to do that. So even if you don’t show up for Sundays date with the father I am still expected to be there. I am expected to lay everything down and minister and don’t get me wrong I LOVE what I do, but I would really appreciate that when I need ministering to people would show up. When I need encouragement someone would be there to hold my hand. Like I said purely selfish I know but these are my pants.
While I am here pantsing myself, I also don’t like that Church, that is meeting with the body of believers that God placed me in to worship with and glorify Him with and welcome His presence with and minister to Him with, seems to be a recreational activity to some. I mean really, How would you like it if you had something and needed Gods help and he says “ya know what, I know you want me to minister to you but I would rather go camping instead. What…? This is a life or death situation… oh sorry I’m fishing that weekend and I need some me time. No…I don’t really feel like going to the place you called me to so I can meet with and minister to you today. It’s a holiday, maybe next week.” Or “I know I really need to get back to ministering to you but summer is only so long. I know it’s only a couple of hours on one day out of 7, but when I get to the heart of it you just aren’t my priority.”
God doesn’t turn His back on us maybe I am just feeling some of His hurt so He has someone to hurt with. I don’t know. We ALL have a job in church. Minister to the heart of the father. If you don’t go then we aren’t doing a good job at it and I want to give God the best. I give Him MY best but I want to offer Him THE best and I can’t do it on my own. Ugh! I want to see you there so that when I am having a crappy week your presence, and your smile, and your faith lifts me up and I am encouraged once again by whom God sends and we can minister to Him together. So I have two choices. Stay hurtable and honest, or close off my heart to everyone and become a solo island. I will stay hurtable and probably even stay hurt. I will continue to love people, even when i feel let down. I don’t want my heart to callous to the tenderness of Gods touch and I don’t ever want to be deaf to hearing Him sing over me, audibly sing, even if I am the only one.
I know, I know, that is not very “holy” of me but I told you I was being selfish. You see, I take calls during the week, I go out and meet with people, I offer all of myself in ministering, and Sunday service is when I am ministered to. When I am in worship with my friends it ministers to my heart. When God delivers a message to His hungry kids I am blessed. When I am in an environment that is hungry for the presence of God, not just the “i showed up and punched my card,” but hungry for His presence and tuning our ears to heaven because at any time we know He is going to part the skies and sing over us, like audibly sing! It ministers to me in a way that I can’t explain. I know I am supposed to be ministering to God here and I am. There is just something about connecting to God with my friends around me connecting to the same God that fills me up. That is precious to me. It encourages me that maybe I do have a place in this world and it is with these people. When my friends don’t go I feel shunned from them. It speaks the opposite to me. I don’t have a place in this world and definitely not here.
I know that people are out of town on vacation and stuff like that but when you don’t come because you would rather… fill in the blank. Fish, hike, camp, swim, sit at home and watch TV, stuff you could do ANY other time, whatever, It hurts my feelings. I take it personally. Aside from weekly meetings, counseling, praying for people and all of that I am searching the heart of the father on your behalf looking for a word for you, looking for a blessing for you, or an encouragement or exhortation. Something to inspire and bless your week and give you courage to go out and face what lies ahead. Not only am I doing that for you because I love you. You expect me to do that. So even if you don’t show up for Sundays date with the father I am still expected to be there. I am expected to lay everything down and minister and don’t get me wrong I LOVE what I do, but I would really appreciate that when I need ministering to people would show up. When I need encouragement someone would be there to hold my hand. Like I said purely selfish I know but these are my pants.
While I am here pantsing myself, I also don’t like that Church, that is meeting with the body of believers that God placed me in to worship with and glorify Him with and welcome His presence with and minister to Him with, seems to be a recreational activity to some. I mean really, How would you like it if you had something and needed Gods help and he says “ya know what, I know you want me to minister to you but I would rather go camping instead. What…? This is a life or death situation… oh sorry I’m fishing that weekend and I need some me time. No…I don’t really feel like going to the place you called me to so I can meet with and minister to you today. It’s a holiday, maybe next week.” Or “I know I really need to get back to ministering to you but summer is only so long. I know it’s only a couple of hours on one day out of 7, but when I get to the heart of it you just aren’t my priority.”
God doesn’t turn His back on us maybe I am just feeling some of His hurt so He has someone to hurt with. I don’t know. We ALL have a job in church. Minister to the heart of the father. If you don’t go then we aren’t doing a good job at it and I want to give God the best. I give Him MY best but I want to offer Him THE best and I can’t do it on my own. Ugh! I want to see you there so that when I am having a crappy week your presence, and your smile, and your faith lifts me up and I am encouraged once again by whom God sends and we can minister to Him together. So I have two choices. Stay hurtable and honest, or close off my heart to everyone and become a solo island. I will stay hurtable and probably even stay hurt. I will continue to love people, even when i feel let down. I don’t want my heart to callous to the tenderness of Gods touch and I don’t ever want to be deaf to hearing Him sing over me, audibly sing, even if I am the only one.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Exposed
My Move Story
My Husband, before we moved, was the youth pastor at a church in CO. My husband LOVES the Lord. I mean LOVES!!! With everything he is and has, he loves God. When he first was asked to serve as the youth pastor we were SO excited. He knew his calling was to be in ministry and finally a door opened up.
Ok now fast forward 5 years later. When a person in the family is in ministry, it is expected that the whole family get in ministry. That is NOT the way it has to be…we didn’t know that then. Not only was my husband working normal office hours, but being a youth pastor I don’t think that senior leadership realized that youth pastoring happens outside of “normal” office hours because youth has school. Pile on top of that a man’s own family, and then on top of that, required after hour prayer meetings, required after hour conferences, evangelism outreaches that he was to be in charge of (after hours of course), required after hour…well you get the point. Not a lot of time left for those at home. Being a Pastor is hard.
So being a Pastors wife isn’t always the easiest thing in the world either. I’m just going to be real honest here because I can, and those of you that are Pastors wives or PK’s know what I mean. It’s not the fault of the Pastor. God called them into this type of work, ministry. But there are those people who watch with judgmental eyes waiting for you to mess up. Those with the “well because you are a pastors wife you should…” Man I would really like to tell them what they could do with their “should”, but being a Christian woman I will hold my tongue and lift it up in prayer :). Who are they to judge or tell me what I “should” Look like, speak like, dress like, act like, give me a freakin break! That is called false obligation and you do NOT have to live up to that, or even try to. Ok done with that rant for now.
I have heard it said that the more a man is involved in ministry, the more the woman disappears. Now that is not true in EVERY ministry for sure, but in this one it is, or was I should say, I wouldn’t know now. But that was my experience. So, because the job required so much of my husband and because I am a good wife and backed up my husband, I was working a full time job, and I was working a full time “volunteer job”, and I was a wife, and a mom. Whew! now that is a lot to handle. Not only that, but because of the job requirements of my husband, I was basically a single mom who happened to wear a wedding ring. Under the pressure of it all, the false obligation (you have to look like this…we expect your life to look like this… you can have this, but you can’t have that…) I cracked! My whole personality disappeared. I was a walking corpse. I mean really, I never stopped loving God, but in the whole thing of this eating away at my life, I didn’t know my husband anymore and he didn’t know me, I didn’t even know me! Actually, it wasn’t ok to be the “me” that I was, and I didn’t know how to be anything different. The pressure of raising kids by myself under the watchful demeaning eye of the religious Gestapo was just too much. Everything, the life inside of me, my thoughts and opinions, my spark…it all just died out. I was just animated skin and nothing more. The only thing that gave me life was when I was with my kids and “my kids” the youth group. They knew me and loved me and let me love them and that was all. It was so easy to regenerate there. But even that after 5 years of pouring out and “single parenting” and not living up to the standard of all of the “should’ers” whom my wonderful husband didn’t know, but by default he became one of, I left my husband, and I left ministry.
I am so sad to say it, and so hurt by that time. I left him with the purpose of never looking back at him, or ministry. In my thoughts I was leaving all the “should’ers”. All the expectation that I would never live up to, all the things that we were told had to be laid aside( God didn’t say it people did), All the confusion of feeling guilty for being lonely and angry that ministry was invading my time with my husband, all the not being able to ask questions because I should have already “known”, all the “you of all people should…” Leaving behind all the demeaning remarks for who I wasn’t, leaving it all behind, to walk into whatever hope there was of resurfacing the person under the burden of all of that crap. That is a whole other story in and of itself which I will get into one day which will include the wonderful people who reached in and pulled me out of the pile of crap that was laid upon me, and showed me Jesus…the real Jesus not the fake rule book one that held me prisoner for so long.
My husband is a Great Pastor. He is a Great Preacher too. One of the other things he is great at and is a hobby of his is fighting. He is an amazing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu fighter. But the fight to win me back was the fight of his life. Never has he had to fight with such force and never will he face another fight like that one. I won’t get into the details of that time, that is for me and my husband, but I will say that he won the fight, and I am wholeheartedly his, now and forever. Now for us and our marriage this was great and miraculous. God resurrected our marriage from death. He restored our union, and gave us new ground to stand on. We were free from religion and false obligation. But remember…there are still the “should’ers” that were at my husband’s workplace that were not on board with this whole thing. So what did we do? We prayed…hard. We cried out to God to deliver us out of that place and if it meant we quit ministry than we sadly would have, but, we cried, God if ministry is where you have truly called us let us work together in it and we will again try it, but this time honestly, Not with man’s law and ways but with your guidance, word, and love of people. And awesome God opened up a door for us.
When we moved from Co. I was super nervous. We had a house to sell in a down market. We had about a week before our kids would start school and I knew NOTHING about the school system, and I was leaving my family who had been my rock. My whole everything was connected to having family close by. And I was moving. We sold what we could and packed up the rest and moved into a host home. Our stuff is in a 2 car garage that they were so kind to offer us so we wouldn’t have to rent storage and here we would live until our house sold. Not only that but we were leaving that ministry and entering another with “church hurt”. To those that have had a church hurt you know how painful it is, and how incredibly scary it is to go back into the possibility of it. But if we are not hurtable how can we truly offer our whole hearts and honestly Love? That is another thing for another time also… But it was petrifying to face the possibility of another hurt like that.
When we were first hired into ministry (this was back in CO) we were told that we couldn’t have friends because friends wouldn’t respect our position as pastor. So we lived by that (which fed into my lonely times which were many). Well moving into a host home was incredibly scary as we were VERY private people. But the Wilders welcomed us in with open arms. Our house still hasn’t sold and it is almost a year later. We are still at the Wilders. Our stuff is still packed up in the garage. It has been hard to break the habit of not letting people close, but they have been so patient with us as we cautiously let them into our hearts and into our hurts. They were like a healing balm to us. They give us covering both physically and spiritually, They feed us both physically and spiritually. When Bart teaches my spirit feasts just like my mouth does when he smokes chicken YUM! And my talks with Barb not only help to sharpen my prophetic view, but also encourage and help build me into the woman that God is creating in me. It is EXCITING! I have never been this exposed or this excited in my life. It is both terrifying and liberating! We have made so many friends and it is wonderful. In fact I went out and did Kareoke with some of them this weekend and had a blast!
I love my life. God has used my own experiences in my hard times to help in ministering to others who are going through them ( Disclaimer- God did NOT make that time happen as he is NOT a child abuser, but He will not waste it either. I am willing to be exposed and let Him use it for His glory and He does. That is all.) And finding freedom in passing on living up to expectation of people, but rising up to what God has created in them.
My Husband is now a Sr. Pastor and we LOVE the place and People God has delivered us into. We walk out this life together with only His word as direction, no false obligation. We are fierce fighters against religion, and fierce fighters for relationship with Jesus. Our kids are growing healthy, happier and more free than I have ever seen them. God is so good!
So this move for me has been exposing, correcting, sharpening, liberating, loving, and probably the hardest and best thing I have ever been called on to do. When God calls he makes a way. The way may not always look like we think it is going to or want it to. But Gods way is the way that is going to call out the very essence of your entire being and call you to live in a way that honors the “you” that He created you to be. And by honoring the “you” you also Honor the God that created you.
I encourage you to live God’s way. Not the bound up path people tell you is God’s way, but get to know Him yourself and live for and with Him. He will change your life for the better. He will put the pieces into your life that you think are missing and guide you into a fulfilling existence. He will not shame or use shame to make you think one way or another, that is man’s tactic. God will love you with the most overwhelming love that you never knew you always wanted. God is Love. If you have experienced church hurt, than I encourage you to get in front of God and ask Him to guide you to a safe place to heal and a safe place to worship. Ask Him to lead you to a body of believers that will accept you and love you. Not love you despite your mistakes or habits or whatever, but including them! with the freedon to just love like God, to just love like Jesus, and to live in the power of the Holy Spirit!
My Husband, before we moved, was the youth pastor at a church in CO. My husband LOVES the Lord. I mean LOVES!!! With everything he is and has, he loves God. When he first was asked to serve as the youth pastor we were SO excited. He knew his calling was to be in ministry and finally a door opened up.
Ok now fast forward 5 years later. When a person in the family is in ministry, it is expected that the whole family get in ministry. That is NOT the way it has to be…we didn’t know that then. Not only was my husband working normal office hours, but being a youth pastor I don’t think that senior leadership realized that youth pastoring happens outside of “normal” office hours because youth has school. Pile on top of that a man’s own family, and then on top of that, required after hour prayer meetings, required after hour conferences, evangelism outreaches that he was to be in charge of (after hours of course), required after hour…well you get the point. Not a lot of time left for those at home. Being a Pastor is hard.
So being a Pastors wife isn’t always the easiest thing in the world either. I’m just going to be real honest here because I can, and those of you that are Pastors wives or PK’s know what I mean. It’s not the fault of the Pastor. God called them into this type of work, ministry. But there are those people who watch with judgmental eyes waiting for you to mess up. Those with the “well because you are a pastors wife you should…” Man I would really like to tell them what they could do with their “should”, but being a Christian woman I will hold my tongue and lift it up in prayer :). Who are they to judge or tell me what I “should” Look like, speak like, dress like, act like, give me a freakin break! That is called false obligation and you do NOT have to live up to that, or even try to. Ok done with that rant for now.
I have heard it said that the more a man is involved in ministry, the more the woman disappears. Now that is not true in EVERY ministry for sure, but in this one it is, or was I should say, I wouldn’t know now. But that was my experience. So, because the job required so much of my husband and because I am a good wife and backed up my husband, I was working a full time job, and I was working a full time “volunteer job”, and I was a wife, and a mom. Whew! now that is a lot to handle. Not only that, but because of the job requirements of my husband, I was basically a single mom who happened to wear a wedding ring. Under the pressure of it all, the false obligation (you have to look like this…we expect your life to look like this… you can have this, but you can’t have that…) I cracked! My whole personality disappeared. I was a walking corpse. I mean really, I never stopped loving God, but in the whole thing of this eating away at my life, I didn’t know my husband anymore and he didn’t know me, I didn’t even know me! Actually, it wasn’t ok to be the “me” that I was, and I didn’t know how to be anything different. The pressure of raising kids by myself under the watchful demeaning eye of the religious Gestapo was just too much. Everything, the life inside of me, my thoughts and opinions, my spark…it all just died out. I was just animated skin and nothing more. The only thing that gave me life was when I was with my kids and “my kids” the youth group. They knew me and loved me and let me love them and that was all. It was so easy to regenerate there. But even that after 5 years of pouring out and “single parenting” and not living up to the standard of all of the “should’ers” whom my wonderful husband didn’t know, but by default he became one of, I left my husband, and I left ministry.
I am so sad to say it, and so hurt by that time. I left him with the purpose of never looking back at him, or ministry. In my thoughts I was leaving all the “should’ers”. All the expectation that I would never live up to, all the things that we were told had to be laid aside( God didn’t say it people did), All the confusion of feeling guilty for being lonely and angry that ministry was invading my time with my husband, all the not being able to ask questions because I should have already “known”, all the “you of all people should…” Leaving behind all the demeaning remarks for who I wasn’t, leaving it all behind, to walk into whatever hope there was of resurfacing the person under the burden of all of that crap. That is a whole other story in and of itself which I will get into one day which will include the wonderful people who reached in and pulled me out of the pile of crap that was laid upon me, and showed me Jesus…the real Jesus not the fake rule book one that held me prisoner for so long.
My husband is a Great Pastor. He is a Great Preacher too. One of the other things he is great at and is a hobby of his is fighting. He is an amazing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu fighter. But the fight to win me back was the fight of his life. Never has he had to fight with such force and never will he face another fight like that one. I won’t get into the details of that time, that is for me and my husband, but I will say that he won the fight, and I am wholeheartedly his, now and forever. Now for us and our marriage this was great and miraculous. God resurrected our marriage from death. He restored our union, and gave us new ground to stand on. We were free from religion and false obligation. But remember…there are still the “should’ers” that were at my husband’s workplace that were not on board with this whole thing. So what did we do? We prayed…hard. We cried out to God to deliver us out of that place and if it meant we quit ministry than we sadly would have, but, we cried, God if ministry is where you have truly called us let us work together in it and we will again try it, but this time honestly, Not with man’s law and ways but with your guidance, word, and love of people. And awesome God opened up a door for us.
When we moved from Co. I was super nervous. We had a house to sell in a down market. We had about a week before our kids would start school and I knew NOTHING about the school system, and I was leaving my family who had been my rock. My whole everything was connected to having family close by. And I was moving. We sold what we could and packed up the rest and moved into a host home. Our stuff is in a 2 car garage that they were so kind to offer us so we wouldn’t have to rent storage and here we would live until our house sold. Not only that but we were leaving that ministry and entering another with “church hurt”. To those that have had a church hurt you know how painful it is, and how incredibly scary it is to go back into the possibility of it. But if we are not hurtable how can we truly offer our whole hearts and honestly Love? That is another thing for another time also… But it was petrifying to face the possibility of another hurt like that.
When we were first hired into ministry (this was back in CO) we were told that we couldn’t have friends because friends wouldn’t respect our position as pastor. So we lived by that (which fed into my lonely times which were many). Well moving into a host home was incredibly scary as we were VERY private people. But the Wilders welcomed us in with open arms. Our house still hasn’t sold and it is almost a year later. We are still at the Wilders. Our stuff is still packed up in the garage. It has been hard to break the habit of not letting people close, but they have been so patient with us as we cautiously let them into our hearts and into our hurts. They were like a healing balm to us. They give us covering both physically and spiritually, They feed us both physically and spiritually. When Bart teaches my spirit feasts just like my mouth does when he smokes chicken YUM! And my talks with Barb not only help to sharpen my prophetic view, but also encourage and help build me into the woman that God is creating in me. It is EXCITING! I have never been this exposed or this excited in my life. It is both terrifying and liberating! We have made so many friends and it is wonderful. In fact I went out and did Kareoke with some of them this weekend and had a blast!
I love my life. God has used my own experiences in my hard times to help in ministering to others who are going through them ( Disclaimer- God did NOT make that time happen as he is NOT a child abuser, but He will not waste it either. I am willing to be exposed and let Him use it for His glory and He does. That is all.) And finding freedom in passing on living up to expectation of people, but rising up to what God has created in them.
My Husband is now a Sr. Pastor and we LOVE the place and People God has delivered us into. We walk out this life together with only His word as direction, no false obligation. We are fierce fighters against religion, and fierce fighters for relationship with Jesus. Our kids are growing healthy, happier and more free than I have ever seen them. God is so good!
So this move for me has been exposing, correcting, sharpening, liberating, loving, and probably the hardest and best thing I have ever been called on to do. When God calls he makes a way. The way may not always look like we think it is going to or want it to. But Gods way is the way that is going to call out the very essence of your entire being and call you to live in a way that honors the “you” that He created you to be. And by honoring the “you” you also Honor the God that created you.
I encourage you to live God’s way. Not the bound up path people tell you is God’s way, but get to know Him yourself and live for and with Him. He will change your life for the better. He will put the pieces into your life that you think are missing and guide you into a fulfilling existence. He will not shame or use shame to make you think one way or another, that is man’s tactic. God will love you with the most overwhelming love that you never knew you always wanted. God is Love. If you have experienced church hurt, than I encourage you to get in front of God and ask Him to guide you to a safe place to heal and a safe place to worship. Ask Him to lead you to a body of believers that will accept you and love you. Not love you despite your mistakes or habits or whatever, but including them! with the freedon to just love like God, to just love like Jesus, and to live in the power of the Holy Spirit!
Last night is going to go down in the books as one of the most memorable family nights for me. I can’t remember when we sat down together as a family and laughed so hard! We moved here a year ago and I don’t think that we have had a time like this in the whole year we have been here. Man O Man what a blast. We were eating a late dinner and just hanging out and I don’t even know what sparked it but we were talking about the “times when…”
The thing about it was I was there for a lot of these stories. I had witnessed them personally but hearing the experience through my kids’ eyes and in their words made it all new. Like the time I started the car and my son (then about 2 or 3) started crying…I thought the car noise scared him, turns out he was sitting in the back playing with buttons and he pressed something and thought he started the car, his next thought was aw crap mom is gonna kill me so he started crying. Or when I sent the kids out to walk the dogs and my daughter saw prairie dogs out in the fields so like any big sister she gave the leashes to her brother and once the dogs caught sight of the prairie dogs they dragged him several yard across the grass while she pointed and laughed at him and he couldn’t even scream he was too busy being dragged like Indiana Jones! Or when so-n-so waited at the top of the stairs only to fart in the face of the other one…Or when the girl thought she would be cool and lean out of her window to wave to a friend and she fell out of it onto some bushes! HAHAHA My kids were FULL of stories and we didn’t end up going to bed till past 11:00. I absolutely LOVED hearing all about them! When we were winding down my daughter said “mom you didn’t say much” and I laughed it off cause she was right I didn’t. not that I don’t have stories of my own, I just realized that I hadn’t really heard theirs
You get to be older and start to think, what do these kids know, they haven’t experienced…whatever. But that is SO not true. They have experienced plenty in their lives they just never get a chance to talk about it or tell it. At 11 years and 14 years old my kids have stories to tell about their experiences. And they are GREAT. We all were laughing so hard we were literally crying! We as a family in ministry are always out doing… We do things together, but we are always out doing. I forget to remember to check in and see in all of our doing what are we experiencing? To just sit at home and talk was the most refreshing thing I have been given in a long time. I know it was Fathers Day, but, I can’t help but think that it was a gift to me. To get to hear my kids stories, to get to hear their lives, to get to experience what they did through their eyes. I like how they see things. I realized that my kids are growing up. But it felt good to hear that the growing has been fun for them.
All you moms of tweens and teens, I encourage you to just start a “remember the time…” conversation with your kids, and then listen. Listen to what was going through their mind at the time. Listen to the things they don’t mind telling you now but if you found out then they were sure it would mean instant death. Kids are HILARIOUS! That night really was a bonding/uniting experience for us Vidals. I hope it is the same for you.
The thing about it was I was there for a lot of these stories. I had witnessed them personally but hearing the experience through my kids’ eyes and in their words made it all new. Like the time I started the car and my son (then about 2 or 3) started crying…I thought the car noise scared him, turns out he was sitting in the back playing with buttons and he pressed something and thought he started the car, his next thought was aw crap mom is gonna kill me so he started crying. Or when I sent the kids out to walk the dogs and my daughter saw prairie dogs out in the fields so like any big sister she gave the leashes to her brother and once the dogs caught sight of the prairie dogs they dragged him several yard across the grass while she pointed and laughed at him and he couldn’t even scream he was too busy being dragged like Indiana Jones! Or when so-n-so waited at the top of the stairs only to fart in the face of the other one…Or when the girl thought she would be cool and lean out of her window to wave to a friend and she fell out of it onto some bushes! HAHAHA My kids were FULL of stories and we didn’t end up going to bed till past 11:00. I absolutely LOVED hearing all about them! When we were winding down my daughter said “mom you didn’t say much” and I laughed it off cause she was right I didn’t. not that I don’t have stories of my own, I just realized that I hadn’t really heard theirs
You get to be older and start to think, what do these kids know, they haven’t experienced…whatever. But that is SO not true. They have experienced plenty in their lives they just never get a chance to talk about it or tell it. At 11 years and 14 years old my kids have stories to tell about their experiences. And they are GREAT. We all were laughing so hard we were literally crying! We as a family in ministry are always out doing… We do things together, but we are always out doing. I forget to remember to check in and see in all of our doing what are we experiencing? To just sit at home and talk was the most refreshing thing I have been given in a long time. I know it was Fathers Day, but, I can’t help but think that it was a gift to me. To get to hear my kids stories, to get to hear their lives, to get to experience what they did through their eyes. I like how they see things. I realized that my kids are growing up. But it felt good to hear that the growing has been fun for them.
All you moms of tweens and teens, I encourage you to just start a “remember the time…” conversation with your kids, and then listen. Listen to what was going through their mind at the time. Listen to the things they don’t mind telling you now but if you found out then they were sure it would mean instant death. Kids are HILARIOUS! That night really was a bonding/uniting experience for us Vidals. I hope it is the same for you.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Cheating on God
I had a dream. Not the kind that leaves you excited to face your day when you wake up. Not the Cinderella kind where everything is peaceful and little birds and Forest critters come and attend to you like a princess. Nope. This was the kind where you wake up desperate to see if your husband/ wife is still there. The kind where your breathing is irregular, and it feels like someone roto-rootered a hole right in the place where your heart should be. It was that kind of dream, and I woke still feeling the pain.
In my dream I was standing on a platform with my kids and my husband. My wonderful husband was getting ready to go to work and I was seeing him off. We looked like the perfect “leave it to beaver” family. My husband patted the kid’s heads and kissed me on the cheek and left the platform. Once he walked away, other women came out to meet him. They were all very pretty. He would see them and embrace them. He would hold them and kiss them. Not the kind of kiss on the cheek he had given to me, but the kind that makes little girls sigh and long for the day someone loves them and kisses them with such fierce passion. I waited for him to come home watching the events of his day. I sat on the platform and waited. Patiently I waited for him to return to me. Even after I saw all that had gone on I still wanted him to come home to me and to kiss me with that kind of desire. But, when he came back to the platform, I stayed waiting and he kissed me on the cheek patted the kids on the head and went home.
When I woke up I had a heavy loneliness. The kind where you are right next to the one you love and they ignore your presence completely. Like a window in the room, you are right there but people only look through you not at you. solitary confinement in your own skin.
It was a model of the Church. God is waiting on the platform. But even though we are the bride of Christ, the spouse, we go out in the day and give the passionate part of ourselves to a world that doesn’t love us. How often do you miss going to service to corporately worship God to go camping, hunting, fishing, shopping, cleaning, bad day, whatever. I don’t mean making church a “religious” thing…”if I don’t go I’m going to hell!” NO NOTHING LIKE THAT!!! But how passionately are we pursuing God. How zealous are we to worship Him every chance we get. How adamantly do we run to him when our week is crap and we are tired. How willing are we to go into service to offer our gifts. Yes the preacher shares the word (that is the gift he/she has to offer) but your gift is NEEDED in the body. In corporate worship. If you take the Word seriously then you know 1 can chase 100 and 2 can chase 10,000. If your presence isn’t there than less are being chased. Not only that, but there is a blessing that happens in corporate worship that you don’t get alone. It’s God on the platform waiting for your passionate return. What a heavy lonliness He carries when we just give him a peck on the cheek, when He has promised His life, His everything to us and He is faithful to keep His promise. We, Church, are an unfaithful bride! Oh God please help our wondering hearts and eyes. Let them be turned back to You. To our first love. Let us not leave you lonely. God! I am sorry for not taking my commitment to you as seriously as you take your commitment to me. Help me to rise up and be the bride, wife, lover, passionate follower that you deserve.
In my dream I was standing on a platform with my kids and my husband. My wonderful husband was getting ready to go to work and I was seeing him off. We looked like the perfect “leave it to beaver” family. My husband patted the kid’s heads and kissed me on the cheek and left the platform. Once he walked away, other women came out to meet him. They were all very pretty. He would see them and embrace them. He would hold them and kiss them. Not the kind of kiss on the cheek he had given to me, but the kind that makes little girls sigh and long for the day someone loves them and kisses them with such fierce passion. I waited for him to come home watching the events of his day. I sat on the platform and waited. Patiently I waited for him to return to me. Even after I saw all that had gone on I still wanted him to come home to me and to kiss me with that kind of desire. But, when he came back to the platform, I stayed waiting and he kissed me on the cheek patted the kids on the head and went home.
When I woke up I had a heavy loneliness. The kind where you are right next to the one you love and they ignore your presence completely. Like a window in the room, you are right there but people only look through you not at you. solitary confinement in your own skin.
It was a model of the Church. God is waiting on the platform. But even though we are the bride of Christ, the spouse, we go out in the day and give the passionate part of ourselves to a world that doesn’t love us. How often do you miss going to service to corporately worship God to go camping, hunting, fishing, shopping, cleaning, bad day, whatever. I don’t mean making church a “religious” thing…”if I don’t go I’m going to hell!” NO NOTHING LIKE THAT!!! But how passionately are we pursuing God. How zealous are we to worship Him every chance we get. How adamantly do we run to him when our week is crap and we are tired. How willing are we to go into service to offer our gifts. Yes the preacher shares the word (that is the gift he/she has to offer) but your gift is NEEDED in the body. In corporate worship. If you take the Word seriously then you know 1 can chase 100 and 2 can chase 10,000. If your presence isn’t there than less are being chased. Not only that, but there is a blessing that happens in corporate worship that you don’t get alone. It’s God on the platform waiting for your passionate return. What a heavy lonliness He carries when we just give him a peck on the cheek, when He has promised His life, His everything to us and He is faithful to keep His promise. We, Church, are an unfaithful bride! Oh God please help our wondering hearts and eyes. Let them be turned back to You. To our first love. Let us not leave you lonely. God! I am sorry for not taking my commitment to you as seriously as you take your commitment to me. Help me to rise up and be the bride, wife, lover, passionate follower that you deserve.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Catch and Release
Mr. Wilder:Fish on!
Reply from class: Catch and release!
To any person who has been blessed enough to be taught by Mr. Bart Wilder. This is a common phrase heard in the classroom. But In the time I have shared space with the Wilder family I have come to learn that Fish on, Catch and release isn’t just what he says to get his class focused, these are the words Bart Wilder lives by.
Matthew 4:19
And He said to them, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men."
Bart is an avid fisherman on the river but his skill there (though it is amazing) pales in comparison to the way he fishes for people. I don’t know what he uses on the lake, but while fishing for men Bart uses live bait. Taking lead from Jesus Bart uses himself. Whether it be bringing dinner to a young family just because he “thought they would like it”, purchasing an ipod for a teenage girl just to make her happy and feel welcome, watching Monty Python and the holy grail with a young man for the millionth time and STILL laughing just to spend time with him, or opening his home to any and everyone who needs a roof, a safe place, to hang out, etc… Through these acts of love, before you know it, BAM , you are caught.
Just like taking a snap shot with a prize fish, Bart will take a snapshot with you and let it imprint his heart. I have heard him mention students names (first and last) of students he has had more than 2 decades ago. I have been out in town with him where people who pass by make it a point to leave their present company to say “hi” to Mr. Wilder. It is a beautiful thing to enjoy these picture memories that they left each other with. It is a blessing to be creating my own. And then, at just the right time…the release.
Like a fish is released back into the water. Mr. Wilder will release you back into your natural habitat. Not the one you came directly from, but straight into the hands of a loving father God who created a place just for you. Through this impartation of himself, Bart shares a piece of Jesus with you and you are forever changed. I have seen the results of this catch and release with former students who are in their 20’s or 30’s and Stop by Bart’s house for a visit. I have seen the results in my own children who have taken up residence in the basement of Bart’s house. In this time they have both become more outgoing, and more confident. I am pretty sure it has something to do with knowing someone loves you and is on your side. I have seen it in my husband who takes Bart’s words, be they encouraging or correcting, and holds them as treasures and has let them help form him into the man he is becoming. A man I am so proud of. And I have seen it in myself, I have become more…just more. Everything I was has been sharpened and shined, polished and refined. I have been sent a truly selfless friend. I have seen in the flesh the kind of person I want to be like. I have heard Bart say that he just wants to make a difference. Bart, you have made a difference, and you continue to do so. I know God has a plan for my adventure here in WY. I know he put these Wilder friends in my life to help me along my way. My bible says God sent his one and only son to earth out of love for his people. I understand that the Son will take residence in the hearts of willing men. I believe he has and I am blessed because I personally know Jesus, I believe he likes to wear a Bart Suit.
Thank you Bart: for sharing your home, your treasure, your possessions, your talents, yourself, and for making us family.
We Love you! Happy Birthday!
Reply from class: Catch and release!
To any person who has been blessed enough to be taught by Mr. Bart Wilder. This is a common phrase heard in the classroom. But In the time I have shared space with the Wilder family I have come to learn that Fish on, Catch and release isn’t just what he says to get his class focused, these are the words Bart Wilder lives by.
Matthew 4:19
And He said to them, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men."
Bart is an avid fisherman on the river but his skill there (though it is amazing) pales in comparison to the way he fishes for people. I don’t know what he uses on the lake, but while fishing for men Bart uses live bait. Taking lead from Jesus Bart uses himself. Whether it be bringing dinner to a young family just because he “thought they would like it”, purchasing an ipod for a teenage girl just to make her happy and feel welcome, watching Monty Python and the holy grail with a young man for the millionth time and STILL laughing just to spend time with him, or opening his home to any and everyone who needs a roof, a safe place, to hang out, etc… Through these acts of love, before you know it, BAM , you are caught.
Just like taking a snap shot with a prize fish, Bart will take a snapshot with you and let it imprint his heart. I have heard him mention students names (first and last) of students he has had more than 2 decades ago. I have been out in town with him where people who pass by make it a point to leave their present company to say “hi” to Mr. Wilder. It is a beautiful thing to enjoy these picture memories that they left each other with. It is a blessing to be creating my own. And then, at just the right time…the release.
Like a fish is released back into the water. Mr. Wilder will release you back into your natural habitat. Not the one you came directly from, but straight into the hands of a loving father God who created a place just for you. Through this impartation of himself, Bart shares a piece of Jesus with you and you are forever changed. I have seen the results of this catch and release with former students who are in their 20’s or 30’s and Stop by Bart’s house for a visit. I have seen the results in my own children who have taken up residence in the basement of Bart’s house. In this time they have both become more outgoing, and more confident. I am pretty sure it has something to do with knowing someone loves you and is on your side. I have seen it in my husband who takes Bart’s words, be they encouraging or correcting, and holds them as treasures and has let them help form him into the man he is becoming. A man I am so proud of. And I have seen it in myself, I have become more…just more. Everything I was has been sharpened and shined, polished and refined. I have been sent a truly selfless friend. I have seen in the flesh the kind of person I want to be like. I have heard Bart say that he just wants to make a difference. Bart, you have made a difference, and you continue to do so. I know God has a plan for my adventure here in WY. I know he put these Wilder friends in my life to help me along my way. My bible says God sent his one and only son to earth out of love for his people. I understand that the Son will take residence in the hearts of willing men. I believe he has and I am blessed because I personally know Jesus, I believe he likes to wear a Bart Suit.
Thank you Bart: for sharing your home, your treasure, your possessions, your talents, yourself, and for making us family.
We Love you! Happy Birthday!
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