I had a dream. Not the kind that leaves you excited to face your day when you wake up. Not the Cinderella kind where everything is peaceful and little birds and Forest critters come and attend to you like a princess. Nope. This was the kind where you wake up desperate to see if your husband/ wife is still there. The kind where your breathing is irregular, and it feels like someone roto-rootered a hole right in the place where your heart should be. It was that kind of dream, and I woke still feeling the pain.
In my dream I was standing on a platform with my kids and my husband. My wonderful husband was getting ready to go to work and I was seeing him off. We looked like the perfect “leave it to beaver” family. My husband patted the kid’s heads and kissed me on the cheek and left the platform. Once he walked away, other women came out to meet him. They were all very pretty. He would see them and embrace them. He would hold them and kiss them. Not the kind of kiss on the cheek he had given to me, but the kind that makes little girls sigh and long for the day someone loves them and kisses them with such fierce passion. I waited for him to come home watching the events of his day. I sat on the platform and waited. Patiently I waited for him to return to me. Even after I saw all that had gone on I still wanted him to come home to me and to kiss me with that kind of desire. But, when he came back to the platform, I stayed waiting and he kissed me on the cheek patted the kids on the head and went home.
When I woke up I had a heavy loneliness. The kind where you are right next to the one you love and they ignore your presence completely. Like a window in the room, you are right there but people only look through you not at you. solitary confinement in your own skin.
It was a model of the Church. God is waiting on the platform. But even though we are the bride of Christ, the spouse, we go out in the day and give the passionate part of ourselves to a world that doesn’t love us. How often do you miss going to service to corporately worship God to go camping, hunting, fishing, shopping, cleaning, bad day, whatever. I don’t mean making church a “religious” thing…”if I don’t go I’m going to hell!” NO NOTHING LIKE THAT!!! But how passionately are we pursuing God. How zealous are we to worship Him every chance we get. How adamantly do we run to him when our week is crap and we are tired. How willing are we to go into service to offer our gifts. Yes the preacher shares the word (that is the gift he/she has to offer) but your gift is NEEDED in the body. In corporate worship. If you take the Word seriously then you know 1 can chase 100 and 2 can chase 10,000. If your presence isn’t there than less are being chased. Not only that, but there is a blessing that happens in corporate worship that you don’t get alone. It’s God on the platform waiting for your passionate return. What a heavy lonliness He carries when we just give him a peck on the cheek, when He has promised His life, His everything to us and He is faithful to keep His promise. We, Church, are an unfaithful bride! Oh God please help our wondering hearts and eyes. Let them be turned back to You. To our first love. Let us not leave you lonely. God! I am sorry for not taking my commitment to you as seriously as you take your commitment to me. Help me to rise up and be the bride, wife, lover, passionate follower that you deserve.
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