Come out Come out wherever you are and meet the young lady who fell from a star
-Glinda

One of my all-time favorite scenes in movie History is the scene in the wizard of Oz where Dorothy Gale exits the farm home and enters into this strange new land called Oz. It wasn’t necessarily the storyline of the movie that burned this scene into my childlike world. But it was the transition from black and white into a world full of beautiful color. Bright color. Bold Color. Color that had never before been seen by little Dorothy. She, along with her audience, realized that “Toto, we aren’t in Kansas anymore”.

Ladies can I just be honest with you here? How many of you have felt like pre-Oz Dorothy. There is a life there sure. But, it’s one in black and white, in gray scale, being shadowed by something or someone more important than you. Have you ladies ever felt like you've been living in the shadow of your husband? *gasp*!!! OMG Did she just really SAY that? OUT LOUD?!?!?! Yes I did. Let’s get it all out there. And let’s be honest. I have had several chats with some wonderful young ladies whose husbands are VERY involved in ministry. Their heart cry, or maybe sob, is that “I just want to know that I matter too, that I also have a place, not just his place but a place God has called me to. Does my life make any sort of difference, or do I just matter because I take care of things so my husband can do all the work? Is there a calling for me? Do I actually have a name or do I solely exist as (Insert husband’s name here) wife? ” It is with the line from the wizard of Oz that I invite you to peek out from the shadows

You know what I hate? I hate…no despise…no LOATHE? It’s those little voices that tell us how we “should be” feeing or what we, as good Christian women “should be” thinking, even going as far as telling us what we “should” look like. REALLY??!! How often do those voices beat us up and make us feel guilty and submit us into silence. Stealing what we love about our life. Killing all the vibrancies from our personality. Taking all the beauty that is inside and outside of us, and pounding us with it. The bible does mention someone who came to steal kill and destroy and guess what? It wasn’t God.

I remember a time when my husband first started in youth ministry. We were young and I was young in Christ and learning new things all the time. It was so exciting! I had such character and flare. One of my good friends even nicknamed me “da fizz” she said my personality was fizzy. My personality being just as bright and just as colorful as all the colors I put in my hair and wore in my clothes. Well, intro into ministry, you do have to get used to people looking at you. One well-meaning lady approached me and told me if I kept looking the way I did that I was going to ruin my husband’s ministry. Being young in the Lord I had no idea this was a lie. Knowing what I know now I would simply tell her it wasn’t my husband’s ministry it was Gods and if he wanted me to change He would tell me. Instead I believed the lie and I was crushed. I would have to give up the fun of wild style? Of wonderful colors in my hair?? I know it sounds petty when said like that, and, that is what I thought, but the reality was I would have to stop the celebration of my personality and vibrancy because that would ruin the ministry? Do you see how ridiculous it sounds? But I believed it and so there went a piece of what made me, me. I had given up a part of myself in order to move my husband forward. That is the way it “should be” right? Serving his needs ahead of my own? I was so dejected I never voiced my passion for fun and self-expression. I simply stayed quiet and let my fizz die. That sure did a number on my marriage. Little did I know that part of that “fun-ness” was what drew my husband to me in the first place. He had never known a person who shined like I did. When I let that go I hurt us both.

I gave up a piece of me. A creative sparky piece that God himself designed. I thought I was doing it so that this ministry could be successful. I thought I was doing it to become more of what I “should be” to become more of what God wanted from me. But while I let my fun go, I also let my opinions, and thoughts and all other things inside of me go until I became an empty shell of a person. In that emptiness I started to point fingers and blame. The person I blamed is the very one whom God had sent me to love. I blamed my own husband until I became trapped in a cage of my own resentment.
It was years later when I realized the person God called me to be, the one Jesus died for, was the very one I had buried. It was after years of seeking out Gods heart that I realized, He isn’t a God of “should” he is a God of “AM” He loves me as I AM, He created me as I AM and He will lead me where I AM to go. Since God is also a God of miracles, He cut through fear, He cut through bondage and he gave resurrection life to “the fizz” inside of me again. Ladies, please don’t waste any more moments on this than you have to. God LOVES you just as you are! All the beauty, all the style, all the creativity, all the everything!

I have a friend who has been such a support to her husband. From the outside they seemed to be the completely in sync. I met with her one day and she shared that the things that she is teaming up with him on are all “his” things. She didn’t find joy in them because they weren’t her passions they were his. She really felt almost invisible, but, she goes in support of him. She had made a decision to step back from these things because going was becoming painful. She felt useless and lifeless and when she thought about it the scripture in Col would come up about working unto the Lord. She said she would settle in her heart that she was serving as unto the Lord but everytime she left she felt abused and couldn’t understand why and she was unable to work as unto the Lord. She felt like a failure. Praise God for sending us Holy Spirit to talk to! Through His guidance I asked my friend, well what is it that you are passionate about? What do you love? When asking this you have to understand that this is a very intimate question? You are asking a hurting person to reveal what they are most afraid of. You are also asking them to reveal what the devil himself is most afraid of, Christ in them. Her heart was creativity. She used to love making jewelry and house decorations. She was good at it too. The look that came over her face as she shared about the many things she made was beautiful. There was a freedom there in just thinking about it. She hadn’t even thought about it for a long time with the kids and family filling her schedule she just didn’t have the time. So i asked her then if she had tried to talk with her husband about this? She said she had, but she just gets so angry that they end up fighting about it and nothing gets resolved which is part of what is driving her to step back.( do you see the cage building here?) With some more talking and sharing she had decided to step back from a few of the things she was involved in and in the time she normally spent doing “his” things she was going to try to be creative. She was going to craft some things and put them up in her house. The first couple of weeks were tough because she missed the people but she would play some music and craft and just have the most wonderful talks with the Lord. She realized in this time, that verse that had been haunting her, Col 3:23 that when she was doing the ministry work she was working really to gain the attention and love of her husband. She was working unto man. She did all the right things but for all the wrong reasons. In her crafting time she was setting her spirit free to commune with the Lord and working unto Him. This is what gave her pleasure, passion, hope. Not just the creating but the time with God where he was working with and through her. She had made herself available to the Lord to be worked with as he works with her. She realized that God really DOES know her. When she realized this she was able to talk with her husband without being angry. He supports her gifting and even went to the store to get her surprise supplies!

One more topic I want to talk about. If you have a husband in ministry you have experienced it. No matter where you are, in church or out, You are always introduced as so-n-so’s wife. I guess it really wouldn’t be such a bother if every other wife were introduced the same way. But, sadly, no. You have no name. Only the title of (_)’s wife. I know some of you are probably giggling as you read this at the truth of it but also sighing at the pain. To anyone who has not experienced it, this may sound like a petty thing. IT IS NOT! Ladies (_)’s wife. You have identity! You have a name. When God knit you together in your mothers womb he did it with purpose and that purpose was you. I encourage you to take up your identity! Go sit on your husbands lap and tell him you are so proud to be his wife. So blessed to be (insert first and last name)! See? You had something to insert. You do have an identity and God and your husband both know it. Your husband may be the one who really sees who you are closest to what God sees. Why? Because, he has never looked at you in his shadow. He has only looked at you in the radiant light of God. He sees what God is showcasing in you. Now go sit on his lap and give him a big fat kiss!

Rev 2:4-5 4 Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. 5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place—unless you repent.

The Church in Ephisus was very careful to keep itself from false teachers but in their passion for truth, they lost their love for Christ. So they did the right things for the right reasons…but their heart was all wrong.

Ladies this is where we are deceived, but no longer…we have done all the right things for all the right reasons. We have faithfully followed our husbands to meetings, conferences, retreats, you name it, and have hidden in the shadow while he is on display. We have built up walls of resentment toward him because we lost our identity. We did all the things that showed we loved our husbands except actually showed love to our husbands. Wrong heart.

Your husband is NOT your enemy. He is your ally and you, strong woman of God ,are his. The Devil would have you hide because if you are hidden you cannot truly be united. And if you are caged you have no power. He knows the danger of a man and woman who’s hearts are united with the Lord. This doesn’t mean that you have to do everything your husband does if your heart does not burn with the same passion in that area. Give your husband time to take part in his gifting, pray for him, Love him, take genuine interest, but also climb out of the shadows and take some time for you to do what you are passionate about. Invite your husband to take part or to see what it is you do, invite his encouragement. Sharing your gift does not mean you have to have the same gift. It simply is celebrating all that God has made you, and all that God has made him. It is in this that our lamps will shine.

Ladies we have fallen so far back. God knows you. He LOVES you. He has put passions and giftings and callings in each and every one of you. Our world is not meant to be only black and white but a myriad of beautiful, in wonderful arrays of light. Let us escape our self made cages of resentment and remember our first love. We can celebrate our husbands giftings AND celebrate our own. There is a reason God united us to our husbands in the first place. Our giftings compliment each other. Our giftings strengthen each other. Our giftings wrap around and protect each other. Our giftings shine out our personalities. The unified and united us. Our giftings together take us from the farmhouse and put us into a brave, bold new world.

“Come out Come out wherever you are and meet the young lady who fell from a star”
-Glinda