Victory over Chaos

What a blur Thanksgiving was. It always seems to show up then end too fast. Since our move, life seems to go that way. Fast and furious. Moving my whole family, getting started in a new job, meeting new people, and basically just starting my life and my whole family’s life over again- whew! It can be overwhelming. All this while trying to maintain family time, being the best wife I can be, being the best mom I can be, being the best pastor I can be, being the best me I can be. I tell you it can REALLY spin a girl. I felt like I was starting get sucked into the tornado instead of remaining in the eye of the storm.

It’s funny to me that THAT was my idea of peace…the eye of the storm. The calm spot in the center of the tornado. The little island of bliss, where, if I am careful not to step too far to the right or left, I can be in complete harmony (sigh). I could enjoy the solitude of my little area of ecstasy. Ever been there? Just want that one place of peace in the middle of the chaos? Ever since I learned that there even was an eye to the storm I tried to live in it. It’s very stressful to try and stay there in the middle of craziness and to not get sucked into the insanity around you. I know I’m not alone in this.
Friends, I am not happy to admit, but I guess I’m relieved to admit, I was being ripped off! It was never God’s intention for me to dwell in the eye of the storm. I’m going to say that again. It was NEVER God’s intention for US to dwell in the eye of the storm but rather to not fear, or be bothered by, or even to just get rid of the storm all together.

Mark 4:39 (New Living Translation)
39 when Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm.

Yeah, life happens. Stuff happens. You see it on bumper stickers and t shirts all across the world in every language ca-ca happens. And we are surrounded by it. We get overwhelmed by all the to do lists, the job, the market for…whatever, the things I need to get, the things I need to get rid of and so on… you know your lists better than me. They build ominous waves around your little area of serenity and threaten to overtake you.

In the middle of this particular life threatening storm Jesus was asleep. HE WAS SLEEPING!!!! Which I took as his eyes were closed. I only think this because I sleep with my eyes closed. I don’t know if Jesus did or not but until he tells me otherwise, I am just going to assume he slept with his closed too. Why was this important to me? It was important because if my eyes are closed I cannot see the things that threaten me. Sure I can still hear and feel some effects, but what first feeds my attention is shut off. My eyes. I can focus my thoughts on other things. Not the things that threaten, but things that calm, things that relax, things that matter more than the stupid storm. I can visualize what is important and drive my heart toward that. I can then start to concentrate on my help instead of my helplessness. Once my focus is set, all other things follow suit. I start hearing the promises of my Father in Heaven who loves me. I can feel His embrace and His guidance and He walks me to my next place, I can breathe in His pure love for me and I am assured that I am taken care of. I am going to make it through this. I hold these things close to my heart and in the forefront of my mind and then I open my eyes. The waves of my to do’s and not done’s are there threatening me and I command them Peace be Still. I look at each task one at a time and I say I will live even if you don’t get done today, I will be happy even if you don’t get done today, I am loved and worthwhile even if you don’t get done today. You will NOT overtake me, my mind, my peace, or my joy. All that matters is taken care of.

Our storms are in fact storms, and they do rage, but I encourage you friends to face it like Jesus. With your eyes closed and your heart focused on His promises. Even if the end result doesn’t look like you thought it would, you still made it to the end! You still won! In the craziness of the Christmas to do’s I encourage you to close your eyes and focus on whats really important. Enjoy the time with your family, sing songs with them, watch a movie, relax with them. Take your focus off the things that aren’t done and put it on loving the person who is in front of you. Shut your eyes to your helplessness and listen for your help. Christmas will still come, whether that present you wanted to buy for so n so is under the tree or not. Let’s not sulk in what we didn’t do but rejoice in what He has done, is doing, and will continue to do. Let us focus on the gift of friends and family and love. Let us sing off key at the top of our lungs, let us live wildly and love recklessly and celebrate that Love came down and is with us still.

Take a hike

The night was crazy. Not in the good way either. Our event turned into something it shouldn’t have. What should have been vision casting turned into sulking about the past. It wasn’t ugly…but it wasn’t productive either. After the “funk” of that night, I needed to escape from the heaviness that was starting to build a haze around my heart.
I needed to run away to someplace, away from the craziness, away from the funk …just away, just quiet, just peace. A wonderful friend who could see the effects recommended we go to “the falls”. We made the drive to the parking area (about 5 minutes) parked and followed the trail. Along the way we met Scott and Little Abby his daughter who is 3 ½. We walked the rest of the 5 minute hike alongside them. Scott is a firefighter and told me that they are always rescuing people who climb up too high and then are afraid to come back down. Hahahaha that is funny! Who does that?!?!?! But I guess it happens. After some small talk he and Abby went on their way and Dave and I were left to check out the beauty of the falls. David went right up to it and looked straight up. Looking at the falls compared to David put everything back into perspective. God is God and I am not. THANK HIM!!!! In that moment I knew everything would be ok.
I made a small climb and for a while just sat. I sat in the shade and just enjoyed the silence of the place where I was at. I started to get cold so I climbed a little higher and sat on a rock that was actually pretty high up. Did I mention that I am deathly afraid of heights? Anyway, I sat on this rock and enjoyed the sun for a little bit. I started to feel uncomfortable so I decided to go to a little higher place on the rock that was more comfortable. Ahhhhh. It was like that part was designed to fit my butt perfectly! So there I sat on my rock and just let the sunshine kiss me. It felt so good. I was so proud of myself for climbing this high and conquering the rock. I was looking at the view from my rock and it was absolutely beautiful. The sun shining down, through the trees and right on my rock! I took a good look at my new perch. The moss that was growing on it, and the plants growing through it. I thanked God for putting it there. I know I am not the only one who has ever sat on this particular rock and parked there, but it was there for me to enjoy today. As I enjoyed it I spotted another rock that was just a little higher (not too much). It got better sun and sort of looked like a chair. It took me a few minutes to get up the courage, but I ended up climbing a little further up and sitting on the new rock for about another half hour and just enjoyed Gods presence. While I was looking up at the perfectly blue sky I noticed that there were other spots available. I wasn’t ready to make that climb that day, but I know it is there for me when I am.
We are all walking a some sort of a path. Sometimes we meet people along the way. Some are meant to stop and chat with and enjoy for a while. They share their stories with us. We share ours with them and then we part. Some will stay strangers. Some are forever by your side. There are times when we are being called higher, and so we climb. We climb to a new height (even if it IS a little scary). We have to be careful though, that while we are climbing we aren’t climbing too high. We need to know that the places we stepped are solid beneath us so that there is no fear of climbing down to help someone else up.
When we find a spot, it is ok to be comfortable in it, just realize we are on a hike. Although it may be a great resting spot it is not the end of the trek. If we end our voyage in the comfortable spot we will collect moss, we will collect junk, and even though my rock had life coming out of it in some places, it only grew through its cracks not by its climb, and the very places it actually had growth were the places that anchored it to its spot…forever. We are the same way. If we stop for too long things bolt on to us preventing us from movement, inhibiting us from our own growth and ultimately anchoring us into a spot where we are no longer resting but are paralyzed. So friends, I encourage you when the comfortable becomes uncomfortable, set your sights on higher ground, on better rocks, and find your place in the sun…or should I say the Son.
Thank you Jesus, for kissing me with your light, and showing me how to get to higher ground.

Storm under cover

I saw a storm behind the clouds the other night. It looked like a light show. There were purples and pinks and blues and whites. And they would flash in different places all over the sky. It was beautiful. I could tell by the thunder and bursts of light, that behind the clouds, the storm was raging! But from my point of view it was amazing. My thought was:

all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

I wonder if from Gods point of view my life looks like that storm. This past year has been a real eye opener to say the least. The tempest was fierce! Everything that could be exposed -was, everything that could be shaken -was, everything that could break inside of a person-did in me. My life as I knew it was falling apart. My Marriage, family, friendships, ministry, everything! I never knew a person could hurt like that. I never knew a person could be completely emptied of everything they had, and everything they stood for, be completely broken, and still survive. There is only one way, Jesus. So as I clung to him he took me by the hand. He showed me where I was right, He showed me where I was wrong, and He showed me, it was time to quit pretending everything was o.k. and start living in reality.

The truth is- there are times when things are absolutely not ok. And that is ok as long as I am honest about it. I was not given “permission” to be honest in that way. I was told when we first started in ministry that basically, a family in ministry has to appear to be perfect at all times. They have to stay close to only each other. They can’t have friends outside of each other because people won’t respect the authority that they (as ministers) carry. That people would not receive us if they knew we didn’t have “everything together”. I was warned to not let anyone get too close. So to this- I say a healthy, hearty, THAT'S CRAP!

That is a false life! God is about relationship. To live under those conditions would be to reject relationships and deny God to really work in and through us. My marriage is not “perfect” in the way that we were pretending it to be, but now, it is perfect for us. We still fight, we still argue, but we don’t hide things, even when it hurts. That has opened doors to a whole new relationship that we never knew could be accessible on this earth. It has revealed a whole new love that is strong and unshakable and has united us as one - the way God meant it to be. My family is not “perfect”…but it’s mine. We like scary movies and trick or treating, we make fart jokes, we point and laugh at each other, and we live like normal people. The ministry is not “perfect”. We acknowledge the fact that we are broken people. We acknowledge the fact that we NEED God and we NEED each other. We are the hurting, the sinners, the throwaways, the successes, the unacceptable and the accepted. We are not perfect people. Just people who love the Lord. In our imperfection, God has promoted us and is moving us into a new season of life as ministers together. Not to live life behind closed doors, but to live life loud under His covering. And so the storms can rage, but under His covering it is not dangerous. It is a beautiful display of lights. His light, under His cover, amidst an epidemic of unpredictable, looking magnificent! That is my life!
I have beauty for ashes, Blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair, and we have been promoted and are being planted like an oak for the glory of God!

Naked tightrope walking

Matthew 7:14: But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it.
 

When God said narrow, I didn't know he meant tightrope! Why is walking the straight and narrow so hard? Why do I feel like it's so impossible? On one hand you have crazy all out reckless indulgence, on the other you have crazy all out reckless legalism, and a super wide gap between from there to the rope you are on.

I have heard one preacher say he would rather err on the side of legalism…I would rather err, well thats the trap isn't it? Either way you err, you are going to fall. Now this is the crazy part. As if falling weren't enough. Instead of reaching out a hand to help The legalism side AND the sin side will BOTH judge you while you stumbling around looking for something solid to stand on. Those who called you brother or sister…those who called you friend, they go from welcoming arms to pointing fingers. And there you are left asking where is grace in all of this?! Not just the grace of God but the grace we extend to each other?  Where is the Jesus that forgives?!?!?! Where is the loving father that helps us when we are hurt?  You want to know what I think? God is in the net! WHAT??!?! Yes. The net. The thing that was strategically placed to catch you when you fall. Now I don't know about your life, but I need a net for when I fall, not if ... WHEN. I am a believer. I am Christian. I am forgiven by the blood of Jesus and cling to him as my savior, I Follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, and Love Father God with everything inside of me. That does not stop me from screwing up. I am, after all, human. I make mistakes. Sometimes even on purpose.  Here is where it gets dicey…I am owning my faults, mistakes, and the suff most "holy" people frown upon. Good Grief! I am here to worship and love the Father and if I don't live up to your moral expectations...GOD STILL LOVES ME! I don't need to hide who I am.   That is an old trick. Even Adam fell for it. “I was ashamed because I was naked so I hid” Remember that scene in the Garden? But God called Adam out of hiding. So too, he calls me. My "nudity"is no longer contained. What sort of thing do I think I can hide anyway? God knows I fall, He is the net that catches me when I do. So, this is my journey. My public state of undress. It is imperfect, some parts are ugly, some parts are beautiful,I am not always behaved, but all of it is me. This is my self - exposing myself. I am becoming the type of believer I want to be. A naked one who will do her best to step onto the rope, walk the line, and be GLAD that there is a safety net underneath!